Friday, October 13, 2017

Lord Banjo's Delivery Service #2

I had a ball delivering books with Mum on our first outing, but wait ‘til you hear about the next day.  Day two, the Royal Dad hoisted me into the back of the SUV, and he and Mum drove me to Buckhead.  For you non-Atlantans, that’s one of the ritzy parts of town.

Once again, Mum dressed me in my royal robe and crown and grabbed a stack of my books. I heard Mum and Dad mention barking, something that’s taboo at the Royal Abode. Their dislike of barking is unfortunate, given that low, throaty barking is a distinctive trait of Great Pyrenees. Was their perspective perhaps changing? I was still trying to understand what was up when we parked at Bark Fifth Avenue. Whoa! What a place!

Oddly enough, it isn’t about barking. It’s an upscale, fancy schmancy doggie boutique and spa. Some might call it frou-frou, but as a Royal Pooch with discriminating taste, I saw plenty of outfits, accessories, and treats that I’d happily take home.  I wonder whether the shop keeps a Holiday Wish List for discerning clients.  I’d sign up in a heartbeat.  I heard Dad pointing out a lovely, lavender suit to Mum. Lavender isn’t quite royal purple, but I agree with Dad that I would look stunning in it.

Talk about stunning: I am officially in love with Ashley, the proprietress.  The only thing about her that perplexes me is that she’s quite tall yet has two Chihuahuas.  Why have munchkins, when you could have a super-size Royal Pooch like me? I think she needs to become my Auntie Ashley and learn all about my Great Pyrenees lineage and how special we GPs are.  Don’t get me wrong; munchkins are quite cute as playmates, but I’m partial to dogs more my size.

Ashley assured me that the stylish outfits I admired are also available in sizes for statuesque dogs, and I’m angling for another visit so I can spend more time perusing the suit and collar selection. I didn’t see any crowns, but I could use a new one of those too. Mum has promised that we can also surf the Bark Fifth Avenue online shop to stay up to the minute on the latest fashions.

I’m sure it was meeting me live and in person that prompted Auntie Ashley to take a few extra books and to make plans for packaging my book for the holiday season.  “Lord Banjo the Royal Pooch” is now available in the Bark Fifth Avenue online shop too. The best news of the day was that I am signed up to make a special guest appearance in December. Well, yes, Mum is invited too since it’s a book signing, but you know I’m the celebrity in this duo.

Do you love your doggies as much as the Royal Parents love me?  Of course, you do. Then be sure to visit Bark Fifth Avenue so your pups can experience high-end doggie couture and luxury grooming services.  Hmmm, I wonder whether Auntie Ashley would consider opening a branch in France—Bark Parisienne? I can think of someone who would be the perfect ambassador, being descended from French royalty and all.

Please send fan mail to Lord Banjo at

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Lord Banjo's Delivery Service #1

I love riding in cars. When Mum or Dad opens the door to the garage, I wait to hear, “Let’s go,” and then I bound down the stairs.  Trust me; I typically amble; I don’t bound. I can think of only three bound-worthy destinations: down to the garage and hopefully a car, up the driveway to the kitchen door, and out the door for a walk.

When I hit the garage, I head to Mum’s little red sports car.  It’s my preferred ride, not because it’s red, though that’s Mum’s favorite color, but because it’s easy to climb into.  I clamber into the back seat and settle right down.  I’ve tried sitting in the front seat, but for some reason, Mum always shoos me to the back. As for Dad’s SUV; it’s not that I dislike it; it’s comfy and roomy, but Dad has to boost me up into the back of it.  He grabs my collar and my rump, and up I go. And you ask, “ Lord Banjo, why don’t you bound into the SUV?”

I have a darned good reason for refusing to make that leap. In my youth, I jumped into an SUV, and my tender paw came down on a prickly pine cone.  Ever since then, I’ve been veddy, veddy careful about where I leap. I am one smart dog.

This week, I rode around in Mum’s little car delivering books.  Mum dressed me in my purple robe and off we went. It was a fun day, with one exception.  More on that in a moment.

For the first stop, we pulled up to the Tall Tales Book Shop, and Mum unloaded me and a box of my books.  It’s a shame they’ve misspelled their name.  Shouldn’t it be Tall Tails? No matter, we dropped off my books, and the shopkeeper oohed and aahed over me and gave me belly rubs. 

Next, we headed to the Enchanted Forest, a magical gift shop, where everyone was tickled to see me in my regal attire.  While Mum chit-chatted and conducted business, I reclined on a rug and received another dose of belly rubs.

Who cares about book business? Pour moi, it’s all about the belly rubs. Our final stop was the Village Vet.  I thought we were just checking on the book supply, but sadly, I was mistaken.  First, Mum asked me to hop up on the scales. Rut ro, I thought.  You may recall from my book that I was on a strict diet last year and I lost ten pounds. With the help of the Royal Physician, I transformed myself into a lean, mean, fighting machine.

Unfortunately, I weighed in a few pounds heavier this summer, so I was a tad concerned about what the scales would say. Given how strictly Mum has been monitoring my food intake, I hoped the results would be positive.  What does food monitoring look like? Dad measures my portions, and Mum gives me only teeny-tiny treats. My treats are called Itty Bitty Biscuits, and they sure are! Each one is about the size of Mum’s fingertip. All of that I take in stride. The change that gets to me is how vigilant Mum and Dad are about Princess Puddin’s food dish.  The Princess is very finicky, which works out great for me.  She sniffs her food, maybe takes a dainty lick, and then walks away.  I think she appreciates me taking care of her leftovers so that she gets fresh food whenever she meows.

Whether or not the Princess appreciates my dish cleaning abilities, the Royal Parents do not. They hover over Puddin’s dish, and as soon as she walks away, they scoop it up. Every once in a while, Mum gets distracted cooking dinner or talking on the phone, and I sneak a snack, but not often.  The giveaway seems to be the sound of the kitty dish moving across the floor as my telescoping tongue licks the remains. I’m so talented; I can clean it out with one swipe, but Mum always hears me and starts fussing.  By the time she huffs, “Darn it, Banjo, stay out of the cat food,” it’s too late.

But hey, the scales revealed good news! I’ve lost the extra pounds and am back down to my fighting weight.  If only we’d left on that happy note. Much to my dismay, we moved to an exam room, where I heard the dreaded words, “rabies shot.” Fortunately for all involved, I take my shots like a man, and we were done in no time.  I couldn’t believe my ears when the vet said, “You know, we have to muzzle some dogs because they wig out when it’s time for a shot.” Really?  How undignified.  The Royal Pooch is always a perfect patient.

With book deliveries done for the day, the Royal Mum, a.k.a. The Royal Chauffer, drove home in time for me to stretch out for my afternoon nap.  I was wise to rest up because Lord Banjo’s Delivery Service had a new job the next day. Look for the story of my debut at Bark Fifth Avenue coming soon.

Fan mail for Lord Banjo may be sent to

Friday, September 29, 2017

A First for Lord Banjo

The Royal Mum wrote a press release for me months ago, but she has been pretty slack about doing anything with it. She finds time to take weeklong vacations and read her mystery novels every night but can't seem to get to her administrative duties pour moi.

My threats to hire an assistant seem to have gotten her attention. Finally, today, she learned how to use a press release organization to distribute the news about the Royal Pooch. 

Drumroll please, or maybe Royal Trumpets:  Read my press release HERE.

While I've got your attention, I just know you'll also get a kick out of my latest book review:

Delightful and Humorous! If you love Dogs this is the book for you. I had the pleasure of meeting Lord Banjo in person wearing his Royal Robe and Crown, holding his head up high. :) A Must Read !!!

One last note to my Royal Subjects: Please forward my news to friends and family far and wide so that more pet lovers can get to know me. Who knows? If they're local, I might even get some belly rubs!